How time flies these days! Sometimes I fear I have just too much on my plate: fighting the Commies, suppressing the local press, ignoring Jiang Jieshi’s pleas for help, not to mention the everyday problems that pop up in running my beautiful Shanxi! It is a wonder I have any “me time” at all, but I do what I can. After all, the young ladies of Taiyuan are not going to sexually harass themselves.
But time certainly has flown, and I just realized that I have fallen behind in my JPA recruitment quotas. As my loyal readers know, I have made a commitment to bring the best and brightest into military service. Thus last month I drafted Wendy Deng, to serve alongside our first recruit Xiao Yun. This month’s choice was a no brainer, as I went with a young woman who is truly sympatico with me in terms of her views on foreign relations. Chen Yi, report for duty!
Some of you might know Chen Yi as Rola Chen, famous for being a “Super Girl.” If you do, for shame! There is no reason to know anything about this girl except that she enjoys lying around in her swimsuit with Chinese and Japanese flags to keep her ass from sticking to what appears to be a couch made of fine leather. Now, I do not care if this girl can sing, or if she has any real talents at all. All I need is a new ambassador to the Japanese here in North China. My last envoy, believe it or not, puked on General Miyashiro after a long night of sake bombs and uni. So much face was lost!!!
Luckily, we all know that the xiao ribenr is a horny, dirty, and perverted beast. Until now I had no way to really capitalize on this fact, excepting my highly successful “Panties for Guns” program. For while the fine ladies of Shanxi were willing to provide me with used undergarments to help defend the realm (I also provided them with noodle coupons), they always drew the line with crossing enemy lines. Chen Yi, however, is the kind of solider that is willing to compromise herself for the greater good. Congratulations on being inducted to the JPA, Chen Yi–I see great things in your future. Oh, be sure to bring lots of panties. Something tells me that you are going to need them!
YXS
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